Relationship Anxiety


The constant want to catch your breath, the feeling of drowning, the panic, the want to check again and again if  there's a message, wondering if you've done something because it's been hours and no text, the want to apologise anyway, just incase the feel you're not doing all you can, the feel of being trapped in a small space and you can't get out.

All the above is part of anxiety and what tends to go on behind the scenes of my head and infact a whole bunch of people nation and worldwide.
I've not always been like this, no I used to be casual and carefree, however, since trusting too much and being hurt, even more, it slowly crept in. Heart on my sleeve and trust in abundance, well at least on the outside. The inside worries at what point will the good stuff end and have to start all over again.
On the outside, it's just normal, happy, sensitive me. Only my two close friends know my insides.
No one understands anxiety, we're not crazy girlfriends, we don't distrust you, we just have a bit of anxiety through past hurt, if you show us trust and honesty, we show you anxiety free us.  

When The World Appears Dire...

When It's all a bit doom and gloom...

When you're sat there on a Saturday, bubbas at their daddies and you're on a washing ritual for the day, as the pile has grown its own pile and to be honest there is nothing better to do, it can all seem a bit boring being alone.

So whilst sat here browsing twitter and watching Orange is the black (which I have been meaning to catch up on for ages), I felt rather melancholy until I noticed it get rather bright in the living room. As I looked up, i happened to see the most perfect, amazing, unfaded and a very skittles-like rainbow. It made me realise, there is beauty amongst the doom.

Lovely Nails.

LOVE getting my nails done!

I absolutely love getting my nails done in different colours and patterns that not everyone might have.
This time I did a google search and came across these amazing nails almost like henna!
So I took the picture to Lisa my nail artist and she managed almost duplicate minus the blue as she had no deep blues :( so we settled for eggplant and all were finished in a matte coat as I super love matte right now!

Little Treats Keep a Girl Happy.

Something for me

Every now and then I like to treat myself and makeup has become my new habit of buying.
I've recently become fond of Superdrugs Revolution range and I've previously had their contour powder palette, however, my banana powder (used to correct skin colour and I like using to cover my bags) has run out so that is what my search was for. Alas, however, they didn't have either it in single nor the same contour pallette, so now im trialling the freedom range banna powder, we'll see how that goes.
Also my lips and skin have been a bit dry and patchy, so I bought MUA primer, as it's one I'm yet to try and MUA lip scrub in the form of lipstick shape.

Next on to this marvellous clour matte lip liquid by a new brand to me Lottie.
I tried the shade in the shop and loved it its called 'slay all day' and is a mid tan colour, pefect to go with my new look eyes and blonde hair.
I've bought a new mascara but in my opinion they all seem to do the same thing lol except the little weird comb ones and they hurt my lashes!

Also, I bought the Pixie Lott hair paint in Hawaii which is a blue and gives an amazing hue to my died locks, I'll include some pictures to show the outcome of my new products tomorrow.

Long distance and open me when...

Open me when...

A new chapter of my life began on the 22nd March and I soon had to learn to live without someone... at least for months on end. I met an amazing person, he rocked my world and we hadn't even met. We went through months of talking every single night, he even has my last name! Fate was on my side and trusting someone again was really hard and I couldn't of chose a harder challenge this time round. 
He works far away and technology isn't so up to date over there so when it comes to contact we get Facetime and Whatsapp messages only and even they are limited as Wifi isn't everywhere. 
One day whilst browsing the internet for his birthday present i came across this amazing thing that would both last a while (although he got too impatient) and was really personal, however, I decided that i didn't want to pay stupid price for someone to send me stationary so I searched the net and came across perfect ideas. 

Open me when... letters are an amazing idea, for all the little things you can't say and especially when you're away from them and feel low.
There are loads of amazing topics such as;
 Open me when... you're missing me.
Open me when... you've had a bad day.
Open me when... you're on your way back to visit.
Open me when... It's your birthday.
Open me when... It's Xmas.

I included them all in a little box sprayed with my favourite perfume and included photos of me and family members which he has on his room wall. He, however, became impatient and opened them all by the time we first ever met with the last one being on the plane here!!

I've now taken to sending these via email as the post takes too long for me as i too, am impatient and can't resist telling him how much i miss him.

A break well deserved, Life as a singleton and the bloody bus!

 We're back after 7 long, drawn out months of bills, summer holidays, back to school and
... break ups.

We are officially now a family of 3! What's more, is I get to go back to work in January, Emi will be in pre school and I can either go to work in a kitchen environment or become a work at home mum and do my crafts!! I'm excited for my new venture in life! After the ex left in March, I decided to continue my GCSE English, as their dad was able to have them one night a week for me to continue.Well, I completed them and I got my results in the holidays!
 I got a B!!!!
 I was ecstatic.
So the sky is the limit and now I'm able to do as I please, well of course within reason!

So single life, no car, the bus it must be!!
Every day we have our simple and organised routine; up, dressed, breakfast, bus, school. Of course everything isn't this straight forward and Theo generally takes ages to get dressed and Emi insists on pulling her shoes off just before its time to leave in a mad bus stop rush.
What makes the start of the day worse is our bus drivers are so rude!! No waiting for you to sit down and park the pushchair, before they zoom off at high speed, listen it wasn't my fault you was late here so don't make it my problem now.

Anyway, every day now I take Theo to school, then I go across the road to my lovely bestie Amba's house; she has been a rock to me since the breakup and to repay her, I watch her beautiful girls whilst she attends her job at Theo's school. It's all rather amazing that she now can watch over Theo whilst he eats because let's be fair, he has been an absolute nightmare in the last year trying to eat, but no thanks to her we have managed to get him eating every day!

I decided to take these past few months out, as after the ex left my confidence went down it wasn't a very good break up to say the least and I wanted the children settled and of course, my new life was just starting.

Mum With an Opinion has some fairly amazing reviews to come as you'll all be pleased to know the play room is now complete!! We've had amazing products from Rustoleum and Bright Stars to help with our completion.

What's the saying, out with the old and in with the new? I've also had a very ummmm interesting? experience with a very well known dating site :/ trying to get back on the horse as it may be has been a rather interesting challenge indeed hehe.
So watch for the Plenty of What you Don't Need post that's to come shortly!

Just remember:
It isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain!!

Dieting and DIY.

This month is a DIY special, both for me and my lovely, once upon a time dining room.
I've been decorating our dining room for a few months now and the last half is to be done this month and then the floor will be stripped of its paint soaked splats and the children's toy gorgeously placed to make a fun and exciting playroom for them. To me, this is big as I've always wanted the rich lifestyle and whilst were still poor as ever (at least until Emilia starts school full time) my house is finally forming after 4 whole years!We've had some lovely donations from a few special companies, to make sure our playroom is just that extra bit special.

Also, I've been putting off my own DIY for too long now and it's about time something was done, so I'll have a very big post, reviewing some dieting products from various health companies at the end of the month. Not before our amazing holiday opportunity we have in 2 weeks, to the amazing Bluestone nation park resorts! We're all so excited it's our first (and probably our last) family holiday ever and what's, more my sister Ellie and her two children Lily and Mason are coming too!Theo doesn't have a clue were even going on holiday and we've been trying to keep it a secret.... it's been so hard! 

So with all this going on I have no idea when I've managed to get ill 3 times since February!!

So many exciting things happening and I almost forgot to say, I've finally got my first ever passport wahoo, I've never needed one before and to be honest I don't now (long story involving a hen do that I definitely can't afford) so hopefully, one day this year it can actually be used and I hope it isn't just for identification!!!

Popular Posts